User blog:Umrag the Destroyer/Three Insane Ones, One Mob
This is a comedy. Prolouge Riggster, a fox thief, paddled up next to a big galleon. 'Ah bet ah can find somting cozy in here, the noo?' When no answer was forthcoming, he pulled out a war hammer and began stealthily climbing the walls. With all the falling timber, it's a wonder nobody heard him. He climbed up. The first thing he noticed were the dead vermin bodies, with two holes in between their eyes. He went on. Then, he heard some noise. He turned, and almost ran into a pair of sccisors. The otter holding them whirled around, and shoved Riggster back, pushing the blades inbetween his eyes. "You sees these, punk?! These are sharp objects, punk! They can kill you, alright, punk?! Be careful near them, punk!" The fox went crosseyed, trying to look at the blades. "Yes, sir." "Don't call me sir, punk! Call me Your Majesty!" Everything went still for a moment as they studied the italics. Then a purple mole shambled up, saying, "This is my gurt soil you're standing on, scum!" Riggster looked down. "This is soil?!" The otter stabbed him in the face. "Good work, Dingertium, your diversion worked!" A very pretty squirrelmaid ambled up, holding a sword behind her back. She was perhaps the least insane of the trio {which means she wasn't insane} but she was very pretty. Her name was... Zlembena the Enchantress! Once again, the italics were throughly studied. "So, mates where are we going now?" Digentium turned to her. "Home!" They were not aware of the large, cute, evil eyes that were studying them. "Was that word bolded?!" Chapter 1 Sister Awananna was pursuing the otter Skipper and his gang of thieves. They have comitted their latest crime, breaking all the dishes in the kitchen. Now Officer Awananna was after them! Skipper looked back, and crashed into something. He flew back from a kick in the chest, and groaned as an elbow slammed in his face. "Grandma! That hurt!" An old, wrinkled with age otter patted Skipper on the head. "I'm sorry, but you should look where you're going. Awananna zoomed up. She grabbed first one Dibbun, then another, but they evaded her clutches. A young hadgehog on a wheelchair pedalled up. "What's the situation, officer?!" The turtle hurled the wheelchair at Martin's tapestry and yelled, "Leave me alone!!!!!!!!" As his eyes closed, he saw Martin who said: *If pickles are eggs then journey west *There you'll meet a giant test *Beware of the cute one for SHE BURNS!!! *And find the Three Insane ones to save the day! *If pickles are vegtables journey east *There a mother will give you yeast *Befriend the Dark One for he is nice *And eat your breakfast full of mice! That was poetry! *** Smegro the stoat gulped as she stroked his fur. Her soft fingers delicately rubbed over his neck, sending shivers down his spine. He knew that he would die. Anyone who failed the Cute one was dead. He was chained to large metal slab, tunic off. She sat on it, softly stroking his fur. "If it was up to you, what would you do with yourself?" Smergo shuddered. That voice sent tremors through his entire body and hit a button marked Primal Terror. "L-l-let me go, My Lady." She chuckled and suddenly her claws shot into his skin, causing him to cry out in agony. "But it's not your choice, is it?" Her claws sank into his skin still further. "My Lady, plea-Arghh!" Her other hand began soothingly stroking his ribs, and she said, "Before you die, you will be able to look at me." She always governed by the policy that no one was allowed to look at her, or else they died. Right before their death she would torture them with her cutness. Smerg looked up, and gaped at what he saw. She must of been no older then seven winters! Her shirt showed her shoulders and didn't go down to her stomach. Her legs were covered by a small skirt, nothing more. Her fur was a rich, golden color. The stoat marveled at how perfect and slender she was. Then he looked up into her eyes. Her smile was stunningly beatiful, enough to calm down a Balisss. But those eyes! They were large and amber, along with a hint of gold. Suddenly, her smile became cruel. "Now die." said the wildcat. She stood up, licking the blood of her fingers. What a fool! *** As Digentium, Rumbo{the otter}, and Zlembena {What?! No italics?!} were returning home, The Cute one and her general, Captain Vzerggo, watched them. Vzerggo risked a look at her, only to find that her amber eyes were astutely observing him, waiting for him to speak. He went cold as her arm stretched out and wrapped around him. "You do {YES!!! ITALICS!!!} remember about our little agreement, did you not?" "Yes, but I just wanted to ask that-" She crawled up even closer to him, making him tremble and cringe, then began sinking her claws into his shoulder. "Is that an excuse?" she asked, smiling sweetly. The fox tried to lower his head, but a soft hand jerked back up, forcing him to stare into her eyes. "Wel-l n-n-no, not exactly, but My Lady, please don't AHHH! PLEASE!!" She stood up, looking down at him from above. "You would be dead now, but unfortunately, I need you. Wait here." He let out a rattling gasp, panting and shuddering at how closely he had escaped from her. "Well, how do I look?" He whirled around, and observed her, stunned. He did not know what she did, but something, maybe a smell, or somthing else, attracted him to her. Her shirt and pants were slightly torn and ripped, but that only helped increase her beauty. Those long eyelashes lazily fluttered, compelling him to come closer. She seemed like a cute, inoccent, child. She elegantly layed herself down, and asked him, "Well?" "My Lady, you are... wonderful." "Then this is what we must do." *** Driby {the hedgehog} woke up to a massive headache. He looked up to see the pretty hedgehog nurse, sympathetically smiling down at him. "Are you all right? Are you hurt? Is anything broken?!" He winced, and sat up, saying, "I should think it's your job to tell me wheter anything is broken." Then, he remebered. "I had a dream from Martin! He told me a lot of stuff!" The pretty nurse nearly fainted. "We have to call Father Abbot!" she cried. Category:Blog posts Category:Fan Fiction